Domination
At the 20th wedding anniversary, a husband gave an amusing speech.
“I would like everybody here, especially my wife, to know how lucky and proud I am to be standing here today speaking to you as her husband. She is considerate, gentle, charming, beautiful, caring, intelligent, generous, submissive and (pause)….What’s that?… I can’t read your writing darling!”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the husband at their wedding anniversary, “I did have a speech all prepared for this special occasion, but of course now that I’m a married man, my wife has told me what to say instead….”

Listening to the wise advice of our wife is one thing; to be completely dominated by her is a whole different matter altogether.

Humour
A speaker had just finished his speech and was about to go into the question-and-answer time, when he missed a step and fell. The audience gasped.
But the speaker, as he lay on his back, said humorously, “Now I am ready to take questions from the floor.”

A sense of humour is a great ally that can help one get out of the most awkward and embarrassing situation.

Humorous Introductions and One-Liners…

• I’m going to try to keep today’s talk very simple. I always try to match my speech to the audience.

• Don’t be embarrassed to ask the simplest and most fundamental questions because they’re the only kind I’ll be able to answer.

• First, I’m going to promise you a very short message. There’s something wrong when pizzas are delivered in 30 minutes and speeches aren’t.

• He’s a speaker whose words have a lingering effect. The last group he spoke to is still sleeping.

Hilarious Introductions of/by Speakers:

• Our next speaker really ought to be called Money – because he truly fulfils that old saying: “When money talks, everyone listens.”

• Ladies and gentlemen, some people need no introduction….
But the speaker for this evening needs all the introduction he can get. The reason is that he has that magic ability to light up a room….as soon as he leaves it.

• You’ve heard of many speakers who need no introduction. Here’s a speaker who doesn’t deserve one.

• Unfortunately, our speaker, who was to have spoken on the topic, “How to solve world problems,” cannot be with us this evening. He couldn’t find a babysitter.