Control
Child: What are astrologers ruled by?
Mother: Many astrologers think their lives are ruled by the planets but most men are ruled by their wives.

Husband A: What happens when an astrologer comes back home late?
Husband B: He sees the most stars after he comes home late at night ─ from his wife.

If a husband is being controlled by his spouse, sooner or later, he will free himself either through legal divorce or open rebellion.

Conquest
The Football Association is introducing a new kind of test for potential players.
They take them down to Macy’s during the January sales and if they can fight their way through to the ladies’ spring dresses counter, they’re in.

If one has conquered the treacherous mountains, the tender hills are a piece of cake.

Diligence
Did you hear about the boxer who doesn’t have a chance to win? He’s a late riser ─ never gets up before 10.

It doesn’t matter whether you are an early bird or a late riser, as long as your work is diligently completed.

Inflexibility
Samuel staggered into the hospital’s emergency department. He had two knives lodged in his back, his head was bleeding profusely and his arms had been badly beaten by a hockey stick.
The nurse on duty looked up at this pitiful sight and said: “Do you have an appointment?”

A work style that follows the book to the letter reflects a mind-set that is inflexible and bureaucratic.

Rebranding
The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we’re going to charge $40 an hour, we can’t call it ‘Jumping up and down’.

By rebranding a product and improving on the marketing, a business can be transformed to bring in the earnings.

Safety
It was New Year’s Eve and the nightclub dance floor was so crowded that when one young girl fainted, she had to finish the dance before she could fall down.

If safety measures are not put in place in crowded premises, a pandemonium can trigger off a massive disaster.

Stinginess
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Irish all sitting with their girlfriends and enjoying themselves.
The Frenchman said to his girl, “Pass the sugar, Sugar!”
The Englishman said to his girl, “Pass the honey, Honey!”
The stingy Irish, in the spirit of things, said to his girl, “Pass the tea, Bag!”

While a frugal habit is to be commended, an extremely stingy action that lowers a person’s dignity is to be spurned.