Ebook Volume 52 Humour in the Military




The soldiers were having a military exercise. As part of the exercise, the military authorities wanted to test out the passing of messages to the rear of a column.
The officer of the leading company sent the order, “Going to advance ─ get ready.”
This was duly passed down and the officer commanding the rear company was astonished to receive the message, “Going to a dance ─ get rowdy.”

If the hierarchical organisational structure of a company is flattened, communication amongst the staff is bound to improve.

An ex-army sergeant has a young family and he runs his family the way he used to run his platoon.
The day the window was broken he called in his three sons.
“Have you anything to report?” he asked the 12-year-old in a loud voice.
The boy snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “No, sir.”
“Have you anything to report?” he asked the nine-year-old in a louder voice.
He went through the same business, and gave the same answer.
“Have you anything to report?” he asked the five-year-old in the loudest voice of all.
The little fellow hung his head and reported, “Yes, sir, I broke it. How do I go about getting a transfer out of this outfit?”

A military-style and an iron-fist approach to running a family may bring enormous and irreparable harm to the children.

An army commander was leading a night assault despite heavy bombing by enemy planes. One bomb exploded a mere 40 feet away. The commander and troops got to their feet, coughing and shaking. Remembering his training, by the dim light of a flashlight he called the roll.
As he ran down the list he received a steady chorus of “Here, sir.” Then he called out the last name, “Gary.” There was no answer. Fearing the worst, with his voice pitched in a higher key, he called out again, “Gary!”
From the shadows came an answer.
“That’s you, sir.”

In a crisis, nervousness is an enemy that destabilises our thoughts, increases our anxiety and impairs our judgement.

A colonel asked a corporal what his father was.
“A farmer,” replied he.
“Pity he didn’t make you follow his trade.”
The corporal thereupon asked the colonel what his father was.
“A gentleman.”
“Pity he didn’t make you one,” retorted he.

The one who fires the last shot of wit will swipe all the money in the day’s winnings.