Ebook Volume 47 Humour in the Courtroom
A man was charged with striking a fellow woman passenger in a double-decker bus. The magistrate asked him what excuse he could offer.
“Well, sir, it was like this,” replied the culprit. “She sat on the seat beside me on the lower deck of the bus. Then she opened her bag, took out her purse, closed her bag, opened her purse, took out a coin, closed her purse, opened her bag, put back the purse, and closed her bag.
“Then she noticed the conductor was going upstairs, so she opened her bag, took out her purse, closed her bag, opened her purse, put in her coin, closed her purse, opened her bag, put in her purse, and closed her bag.
“Then she saw the conductor coming down the stairs, so she opened her bag, took out her purse, closed her bag, opened her purse, took out a coin, and closed her – ”
The magistrate could bear it no longer.
“Stop!” he cried. “You’ll drive me crazy!”
“That’s just what happened to me, sir,” said the man.
To blame someone’s idiosyncrasies for your madness is like blaming the mirror for your looks.
Lawrence: Had some tough luck in court this morning.
Sebastian: What happened?
Lawrence: I got arrested for kissing a woman. When the judge saw the ugly and fat woman, he fined me $50 more for being drunk.
Our personal agenda must never be allowed to infringe into and colour our professional duties and judgment.
I used to live in a high-crime area. I remember when I first moved in, a neighbour told me, “Keep your door closed and locked all night. Never open it until morning.”
I followed his advice and when morning came, the door was gone.
A high crime rate is never reached overnight. It is a result of the little crimes that go unsolved and the negligence of the police that goes unchecked.
Judge: You admit that you ran over this man, drove around the block and ran over him again?
Driver: Yes, Your Honour.
Judge: What have you to say in your defence?
Driver: I didn’t know whether I got him the first time.
Those who commit a crime with callous vindictiveness ought to be severely punished with a deterrent sentence.