Ebook Volume 40 Humour about the Times of Your Life


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Brother: Why don’t grandpa and grandma make up?
Sister: They’d like to, but unfortunately they can’t remember what they quarrelled about.

Those who are quarrelsome ought to be thankful for being blessed with the susceptibility to absent-mindedness.

Because an elderly couple did not make any reservations at a popular restaurant, they were told there would be a 50-minute wait for a table.
“Young man, we’re both 90-years-old,” the husband said. “We may not have 50 minutes.”
They were seated immediately.

If there is a need to bend backwards to accede to the requests of the elderly, there should not be any hesitation about doing so.

Someone asked a woman who was celebrating her 105th birthday.
“How did you do it?” he asked.
“Well,” she cackled. “I never rocked any of our 10 children to sleep. I never got up in the middle of the night to feed the babies. I never washed dishes nor cleaned the house. My dear hubby did all that. May his soul rest in peace; he died at 39.”

Longevity gained at the dreadful expense of others brings no glory but only shame and dishonour.

Douglas: I know a teenager who changes clothes five times a day.
Gerald: And I know one who changes five times an hour.
Douglas: Aw. Get off. You’re kidding!
Gerald: Uh, huh, but she’s only three months old.

The care and nurture of babies which is physically exhausting and emotionally draining is unenviably the common experience of most mothers.

A reporter was interviewing Mr and Mrs Thomas on their 60th wedding anniversary.
“How old is your wife?” asked the reporter.
“She’s 87,” said Mrs Thomas, “and God willing, she’ll live to be 100!”
“And how old are you?” inquired the reporter.
“I’m 87 too,” he said proudly, “and God willing, I’ll live to be 101.”
“But why,” asked the reporter, “would you want to live a year longer than your wife?”
“To tell you the truth, I’d like to have at least one year of peace!”

One who can maintain an inner peace in the midst of a turmoil where the storms are brewing and the waves are surging is a man of strength and substance.